The guilt gift

The guilt gift is anything that you are given with the understanding that you must keep it forever. I am widely known as someone that will take bags of clothes or household things, but I *always* take them with the understanding that I can pass them on if they don't work for me. Most people will say, "sure," but sometimes you will find people who expect you to be a guardian of their junk.

For example- "You can't get rid of THAT painting! Your great aunt Lucy's second husband's stepdaughter from his third marriage painted that for you! You don't remember her? Of course you do! I know it doesn't really "go" in here, but she was *FAMILY*... Until Lucy started taking tennis lessons and George married that floozy of a waitress!"

Sometimes it is better to work without a buddy- especially if the buddy has strong opinions about what you should keep and decorate your home with. :-)

Lately I've seen a lot of older people sending things home with their children who don't have room for it so they bring it to *their* adult children who may or may not have room for it and may or may not WANT it. I bet you can hear it already, can't you? But it was GRANDMA'S!

If something is a precious heirloom (and you want it...) then by all means take it and use it or display it in a beautiful way. Don't take it, though, if it is going to end up on the junk pile at the bottom of your closet! Let's be honest- most things aren't beautiful heirlooms from grandma. They are afghans in 1970's colours. Very retro... May be suitable for your house. I have to tell you, though, I am NOT interested!

So next time someone tries to give you things you don't want or keep things you want to pass on- think about their motivation. Why are they so insistent? Do they want you to become a guardian of 'precious' junk like they are? What do their homes look like... :-)

Another form of guilt gift is something that ties you to the past- photographs of old boyfriends, things you bought for a different time in your life, etc. These things might still be good, but maybe they could be passed on to people who would be happy to have them. This is one of the reasons that decluttering can be so emotional. It brings up a lot of feelings when you are going through things from your past. Maybe you really always MEANT to finish that project and you have a little stab of guilt every time you see it so you just put it back in the box. That colour doesn't really go with anything... but you can't get RID of it.

Trust me - you can and it gets easier every time you do. I don't think it is a good idea to start with the really emotional stuff. It's better to start somewhere that is easy so you can get a little practice and momentum.

OH! And you might need an Oasis of Calm if you are decluttering your whole house and you think it might be very overwhelming. The Oasis of Calm is an area that isn't very large and you can do it first. It might be a cozy chair in the corner of a room. The first time I decluttered I did my bedroom first and it was my oasis. When things get too tough you can go to your oasis and sit quietly for a few minutes. Maybe you can have a cup of tea (because tea fixes everything-according to Sunshine) and be proud of your progress.

This is a two-fer. When you declutter the guilt gifts the guilt goes with them. :-)